Craptastic Movie Night: My Bloody Valentine

I love horror movies. I REALLY love bad horror movies. I REALLY REALLY love horror movies that have the movie’s Big Bad kill off characters in fully ridiculous and excessively gorey ways (Final Destination movies, I’m looking at you–high five). Which brings me to the movie I watched over the weekend, My Bloody Valentine. I didn’t see this movie when it was released in theaters back in ’09, and I didn’t see the original 1981 version either. So this was my first foray into the world of the murderous miner, Harry Warden.

If you haven’t seen the movie, here’s a basic synopsis from IMDBTom [played by Jensen Ackles] returns to his hometown on the tenth anniversary of the Valentine’s night massacre that claimed the lives of 22 people. Instead of a homecoming, however, Tom finds himself suspected of committing the murders, and it seems like his old flame is the only one will believes he’s innocent.

Full disclosure: this movie found its way onto my radar for one very academic reason…

Ahem…

Anyway, this movie has been on my “to-watch” list for a while now, so I was pretty excited to see it airing on SyFy this past Sunday. I have to say, this movie absolutely did not disappoint. The movie jumps in with both feet into the waters of ridiculous gore. Within the first ten minutes or so, somebody takes a pickaxe to the back of the head (which, of course, caused the guy’s eye to pop out, because HORROR). Later, someone takes a shovel to the mouth, causing the top of the person’s head to separate from the rest of their body. “Warden” rips a guy’s jaw off with his pickaxe. Later still, a woman is hit with “Harry Warden’s” pickaxe, and then burned to death in a washing machine. Of course we can’t forget the trademark style of “Harry Warden”–ripping out his victim’s hearts, putting them in a box of Valentine’s Day chocolates, and writing something like “Be Mine 4 Ever” over the victim’s body in their own blood. Seriously, this movie’s gore game is strong.

Like I said, this movie was absolutely out of control. It was originally released in 3-D, so the movie had a lot of moments like this:

So there’s a bit lost when you watch it on a 2-D television, but still, this movie had just about everything I look for in a craptastic horror flick. It was insanely gorey. The story was 75% fully ridiculous and implausible. The characters made ridiculous horror-movie choices (I’m outside being chased by a murderous madman–better duck into this building here so I can get trapped and killed easily! Oh, Warden yanked my co-worker out of the window? Better get a closer look at that window rather than getting the heck out of here!). There’s a twist ending, and they set it up for a sequel (a sequel which I’m guessing won’t happen). Sequel-prepping endings are my favorite horror movie endings. Whether or not the sequel actually happens, I love it when they end the movie with “…and they never caught him!!!”  This movie is an absolutely ridiculous ride, but it’s also ridiculously fun. It has the right ratio of moments that make you jump, disgusting deaths, and several of those tried-and-true horror movie tropes.  It’s movies like this one that make me love craptastic horror flicks.

(spoilers ahead, heads up)

But here’s the thing: when I started watching the movie, I tweeted this out.

twitter

I tweeted it as a joke, but if you think about it…

Tom spent time in a mental institution…

Tom is on some serious medication to help him cope with what he’s seen and done…

There is one person that Tom is willing to do almost anything to protect.

But ultimately an insane, murderous rage possesses Tom and takes him over completely.

So I guess the real twist ending isn’t that Tom is ultimately the killer, the real twist is…

 

 

7 Replies to “Craptastic Movie Night: My Bloody Valentine”

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