I love movies, even crazy ones. I’ve even talked about my love of craptastic movies here on the blog. So when I first heard that they were making another Jurassic Park movie, I’ll be honest, the first thing I thought of was this kernel of Jeff Goldblum wisdom:
You were so preoccupied with whether or not you could, you didn’t stop to think if you should.
But then I started to get excited. I, like everyone else, saw the picture of Chris Pratt on the motorcycle, and I was intrigued. After all, if there was anyone that I was certain could properly handle a bunch of scientifically created dinosaurs, it’s this guy:
Now, if you’ve been on the internet for two seconds since the movie hit theaters, you’ve seen a lot of chatter about Bryce Dallas Howard and her character’s wardrobe choices. Mainly, those damn nude pumps she wore throughout the ENTIRE film.
Howard wore these sensible, nude pumps for literally the entire movie. She never kicks them off, she never grabs boots from one of the many workers she comes across, she never does anything to swap to a more comfy shoe, and even more shocking, she never acts like heels are the slightest problem for her. Even in one of her biggest action sequences in the movie like when she’s running at FULL SPEED from a giant dinosaur, she’s still hauling ass in heels. I’ll be honest. I found that ridiculous. If I’m being chased through the jungle by dinosaurs, the first thing that’s going would be my heels.
Of course, I’m not the best judge of heel usage. When I’m in heels, I get whiny after about thirty minutes. Plus, it seems like Howard really worked hard to make sure she could keep up with Chris Pratt–and outrun a dino or two–in those suckers.
So after hearing her side of things–and after seeing Chris Pratt try to run in heels on the Late, Late Show with James Corden–I’m over the high heel thing. It’s a weird choice, and it’s one I would literally NEVER make, but Howard owned it. Besides, there is so much more awesome stuff to talk about apart from what shoes Bryce Dallas Howard wore. So let’s move on and talk about some of the wonderfully ridiculous stuff I saw in Jurassic World, spoiler-free:
Chris Pratt is a Raptor Whisperer, because of course he is.
Chris Pratt is fantastic. He won our hearts as the goofy Andy Dwyer, and he guarded our galaxy as Peter Quill. It’s no wonder that his next cinematic adventure would be in controlling actual raptors.
Pratt’s character, Owen, is an ex-Navy guy who decides to get a job on Isla Nublar as a raptor wrangler. Owen gains the trust of the raptors, asserts himself as the Alpha, and does a pretty fair job of training a bunch of scientifically engineered raptors. Sure. Why not?
The Movie’s Big Bad–the Indominus Rex
The movie’s antagonist–apart from science that’s gone too far–is the Indominus Rex. Don’t remember studying this pretty lady in school? There’s a good reason for that–this particular dino is not only made in a lab like the other dinosaurs, but this particular type of dinosaur is also completely dreamed up by scientists.
While I won’t reveal all of the details we learn of the Indominus Rex’s genetic makeup–part of it is supposed to be a big reveal in the latter portion of the film–the dino is unique for a great number of reasons. As you can see from the gif above, the dinosaur is white, bigger than a T-Rex, and has TONS of other genetic traits that make it incredibly deadly, dangerously intelligent, and very hard to track. The I-Rex was born with a sibling, which the one featured in the movie ate. Totally sounds like a nice dinosaur to have around families, right?
The Park Itself
The biggest point of ridiculousness is that there is even a park to begin with. From the beginning of our Jurassic journey, way back in the Goldblum days, we’ve heard people talk about how dangerous it is to have a theme park with actual, live dinosaurs.
Even better, there are throwbacks to the original movies–and more specifically, the original park–all over the film. Jake Johnson’s character spends the entire movie wearing a Jurassic Park shirt he bought online.
He even spends some time gushing over the original park–even though people died. So basically, everyone involved in the Jurassic World park is very aware of how dangerous these parks are, and how catastrophic they become should things go awry. How they were able to find the funding and legal ability to make this park is beyond me, but even still, deciding to not only continue to feature carnivorous dinosaurs AND THEN create a rage-filled dinosaur monster of science–whose genetic makeup is classified, so the park attendants, trainers, and management are literally unable to fully understand and care for the creature–as the park’s latest attraction?
Perhaps the pull of monetary gain and scientific advancement if often too strong for us humans to resist. Maybe the hubris and greed of humanity is too much to stop us from making deadly, dinosaur-infested theme parks. I suppose that’s an underlying theme of each movie, and I get that.
When your scientifically engineered killing monster of a dinosaur starts wreaking havoc, when you lose control of it and other dinosaurs on your property, when your life, the life of your team members, and your paying customers are at high risk, I feel like step 1 is to clear the area. Right? I mean, right?
Well, what’s obvious to us and the Raptor Whisperer isn’t always as obvious to others.
That look Claire gives Owen isn’t so much of a “holy crap, what have we done, let’s get outta here” kind of look. No, it’s more of a “Crap, if we close now there is no way we’ll ever open our doors again and I’m out of a job. How am I gonna justify all of these eccentric, vintage, white suits and nude pumps if I don’t have an eccentric, mad-scientist sort of job?”
First of all, Claire, if history tells us anything, it’s that the park will most certainly re-open. It won’t make sense, it will still be hella dangerous, people will die EVERY TIME the park turns on the welcome sign, the park will ultimately close because of a dinosaur-related incident, time will pass, and then it will reopen again to repeat the cycle. So chill.
Most importantly, your bf can only do so much to save a crowded theme park full of tourists from the biggest, scariest, meanest, and most dangerous dinosaur ever. I mean, he’s got skills and is the head of a pretty rad gang of raptors…
…but the Indominus Rex is one mean dino lady. Why Claire thinks clearing portions of the park and keeping people essentially trapped on an island with the most intense predator in all of time is a good way to keep your business running (and keep your patrons alive) is beyond me.
I should’ve known the park didn’t have its patrons’ best interests at heart when they failed to warn park-goers of the inevitable and irrevocable damage that was about to be done to their cell phones and other electronics at the Mosasaurus exhibit.
Basically, this movie is completely ridiculous, but it is ridiculous in the best possible way. The story line feels a bit recycled (as it kinda does in every Jurassic Park sequel, let’s be honest), but it still manages to capture the crazy fun that made us fall in love with the franchise in the first place–the science, the dinosaurs, and the slightly ridiculous characters. It’s the best kind of movie out there–ridiculous, maybe even a bit craptastic, but the most fun I’ve had at the movies in a really long time.
Have you seen Jurassic World? What did you think of it? Tell me your thoughts about the movie in the comments!